Parents know their children best and "their unique behaviors, interests, and abilities." But it is challenging for any parent to be an expert on all aspects of infant, child, and teenage development or the most effective ways to support a child at each stage. When parents are not aware of normal developmental milestones, or they do not know how to respond to and effectively manage a child's behavior, they can become frustrated and may resort to harsh discipline or emotional withdrawal.
There is extensive research linking healthy child development to effective parenting. Children thrive when parents provide not only affection, but also respectful communication and listening, consistent rules and expectations, and safe opportunities that promote independence. Successful parenting fosters psychological adjustment, helps children succeed in school, encourages curiosity about the world, and motivates children to achieve. Parenting skills cannot be static; as children grow and mature, parents need to change the way they respond to their children's needs. In addition, parenting styles need to be adjusted for each child's individual temperament and unique circumstances.
Exploring Strengths and Needs
All parents have questions about raising their children, and they need timely answers and support from someone they trust. Parents may feel more comfortable voicing concerns and exploring solutions when providers:
- Focus on the parents' own hopes and goals for their children
- Help parents identify and build on their strengths in parenting
- Model nurturing behavior by acknowledging frustrations and recognizing the parents' efforts
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Ask the parent … |
- The parent's view of their child's strengths
- Any problems or concerns identified by the parent
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- What do you like about being a parent of an infant (or preschooler, or teenager)?
- What are some of the things that you find challenging as a parent?
- How would you like your child's experience to be the same as or different from your own?
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- How the parent observes and interprets the child's behavior
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- What does your child do best?
- What kinds of things make your child happy?
- What kinds of things make your child frustrated, sad, or angry?
- What does your child do when happy? Frustrated? Sad? Angry?
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- Ways the parent is currently responding to the child's needs and behaviors
- How the parent encourages positive behavior through praise and modeling
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- What works best for your child when he/she is sad, angry, or frustrated?
- How have you let your child know what you expect?
- What happens when she/he does what you asked?
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- How the parent understands the child's development
- Any parental concern that the child's behavior appears to be outside the normal range
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- How do you think your child compares to other children his/her age?
- Have others expressed concern about your child's behavior?
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- Whether the parent can identify alternative solutions for addressing behaviors
- Community, cultural, and ethnic expectations and practices about parenting
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- How have you seen other parents handle this?
- What would your parents have done in this situation?
- All parents use certain methods to teach their children how to behave or to address a behavior problem. What methods work best for you?
- How does your child respond?
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- How the parent encourages healthy development
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- How do you challenge your child to try new things and do things on his/her own?
- What works in encouraging your child to be more independent and competent?
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Sharing Strategies and Resources to Strengthen Parenting
When parents have shared their concerns and perspectives on their children, there is an opportunity to explore solutions and share resources. Educational materials about parenting and child development may help parents assess their child's development relative to others of the same age, have realistic expectations for their child's behavior, and explore ways to communicate those expectations effectively. Helpful resources for enhancing knowledge of parenting and of child and youth development may include information about:
Child and youth development
- What parents can expect and look for as the child or youth grows
- The ability of children or teens to understand and control their behavior at different ages
- Addressing developmental challenges such as inconsolable crying, bedwetting, eating or sleeping problems, lying, school issues, problems with peers, and puberty
- How to keep children safe, including information on shaken baby syndrome, sudden infant death syndrome, childproofing strategies, appropriate childcare, and safety in the community
Parenting
- How a parent can guide a child's behavior and reinforce desired/appropriate behavior
- Ways that a parent can model desirable behavior
- Nonpunitive disciplinary techniques, such as setting limits, redirecting attention or behavior, and logical consequences for actions
