Parents today have a lot on their plates. Juggling the demands of work, home, and other responsibilities leaves many parents feeling like they do not have nearly enough time with their children. But even small acts of kindness, protection, and caring--a hug, a kiss, or a smile--make a big difference to children. Research shows time and again that babies who receive affection and nurturing from their parents have the best chance of developing into children, teens, and adults who are happy, healthy, and competent. Research also shows that a relationship with a consistent, caring adult in the early years is associated in later life with better academic grades, healthier behaviors, more positive peer interactions, and an increased ability to cope with stress.
Brain development in infants is positively affected when parents work to understand and meet their basic needs for love and affection or provide comfort when they are hungry, bored, tired, wet, or cold. Conversely, neglectful and abusive parenting can have a negative effect on brain development. Research shows that a lack of contact or interaction with a caregiver can change the infant's body chemistry, resulting in a reduction in the growth hormones essential for brain and heart development. Furthermore, the ability to feel remorse and empathy are built on experience. Children who lack early emotional attachments or who grow up fearful and expecting to be hurt will have a difficult time relating to peers.
As children grow, nurturing by parents and other caregivers remains important for healthy physical and emotional development. While physical contact becomes less important, listening and talking become more vital to the relationship. Parents nurture their older children by being involved and interested in the child's school and other activities, aware of the child or teen's interests and friends, and willing to advocate for the child when necessary.
When parents spend time and energy discovering and paying attention to their children's needs, they are rewarded with positive, open, and trusting relationships with their children. Parents who develop the ability to respond sensitively to the needs of their child, no matter what age, will find parenting easier and more enjoyable.
Exploring Strengths and Needs
Regardless of the child's age, parents can take advantage of opportunities in their sometimes hectic lives to listen and respond to their child in a nurturing way. Even a few minutes of quality time in the car, at the store, or while cooking dinner mean so much to a child. Your role as a partner with the parent is to model and acknowledge nurturing behaviors as parents make connections with their baby, child, or teen.
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Ask the parent … |
- How the parent is handling the basic needs of the child-nutrition, safety, health care
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- What does your child like to eat?
- How much does your child sleep?
- What happens during a usual day or night? At school? After school?
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- How the parent observes and attends to the child
- Specific play or stimulation behaviors
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- When you spend time with your child, what do you like to do together? How long are you able to spend on that activity?
- What kinds of games do you like to play with your child?
- What does your child like to do?
- What is your child's favorite book or story?
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- How the parent responds to the child's behavior
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- What does your child do when he/she is sad, angry, tired?
- What happens when your child: _____ [tantrums, bedwetting, skipping school]?
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- How the parent responds to emotional needs
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- How do you know when your child is happy? Sad? Lonely? Hurt?
- How do you comfort your child?
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- How the parent demonstrates affection
- How the parent models caring behavior
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- How do you show affection in your family?
- How do you let your child know that you love him or her?
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- How the parent recognizes accomplishments
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- What are your child's greatest gifts and talents?
- How do you encourage these talents?
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- How the parent provides a safe home and family environment
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- All families experience conflict from time to time. What happens when there is conflict in your house?
- How do you keep your child safe at home? In your neighborhood or community?
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Sharing Strategies and Resources to Strengthen Nurturing and Attachment
You can share resources available from your agency and throughout the community on how parents can connect with their children, listen to them, and become more involved in their lives. It is important to note that bonding is a two-way street. As children grow and develop the ability to socialize, relate, and communicate, it is easier for parents to respond positively to them. When a child does not show a positive response to the parent (due to age, a disability, or other factors), the parent may need additional support.
Resources to promote nurturing may include information about:
Impact of nurturing on development
- Information about infant and toddler development, including brain development
- The importance of an early secure attachment between parents and young children
- Information on shaken baby syndrome and sudden infant death syndrome
- Examples of secure parent-child attachment at all ages
Parenting strategies that promote nurturing
- Infant care and strategies that promote bonding and attachment (e.g., breastfeeding, rocking, using a baby carrier, responding to crying)
- Cultural differences in how parents and children show affection
- What to do when your child has an emotional or behavioral disability that limits his or her ability to respond to parental nurturing
- Ways to nurture children at every age
- How fathers nurture children
- How other important adults build caring relationships with children
- Ways to create and sustain healthy marriages that better support a nurturing home environment for children
- Ways to create quality time to play with children in the context of daily activities
- Communicating effectively with older children and resolving conflicts
Many parents, especially parents of infants, find that home visits are a convenient way to access resources. For providers, home visits allow you to visit with parents in an environment where parents and children may be most comfortable. Home visits also give you a chance to talk to parents about any material or safety needs in the home. However, some families may not feel comfortable having strangers in their home and may prefer to meet in another setting, such as a church, school, park, or office. For some families, a "neighborhood helper" or other person who shares the family's ethnic and cultural background may provide a bridge for connecting with the parent or caregiver.
There are a number of other resources for parents, including parenting support groups, parenting classes, and home visits from specific types of providers. Activities that provide a chance to get to know other parents, such as play groups, support groups, or classes, have the added bonus of giving parents the opportunity to form social relationships and supports.
