Most of us think of conflict as a bad thing: shouting, put-downs, hurt feelings, tears. No wonder most of us go out of our way to avoid it. But in thinking this way, we're often confusing conflict with aggression and hostility. The fact is that most conflicts are simple disagreements that are easily resolved by talking. Or perhaps they're not even worth talking about — we just move on.
This issue of the Head Start Bulletin reviews conflict management skills and illustrates how they can be used effectively in those situations where conflict can be prevented or resolved in a mutually satisfying way. The importance of conflict management in Head Start, and how it is reflected in the Program Performance Standards, are also discussed.
Disagreement, or conflict, is a fact of life. We interact daily with people who have their own perceptions, beliefs, cultures, and values — and we don't always see "eye to eye" with each other. Conflict is thus a natural part of human relationships.
Conflict also plays an important role in child development. To get along with other children, as well as with adults, children must learn to understand and control their emotions, express themselves clearly, understand another person's perspective, and negotiate compromises. These are skills they acquire as they interact with their peers and learn to resolve for themselves the conflicts that inevitably arise. Parents and caregivers can help by modeling constructive behavior and by setting the example that a disagreement can be dealt with respectfully and in a positive and friendly manner.
Conflict management skills also benefit parents and caregivers in their interactions with their peers, with family and community members, and with each other.
Sometimes conflict exists around "non-negotiable" issues. The child jumping from the top of the jungle gym will not be happy with the staff member who puts an end to that game - but safety issues are non-negotiable. While this and other such situations may create a great deal of conflict, they are unlikely to be resolved to the mutual satisfaction of all parties. Not all conflicts can be resolved through discussion or by negotiating a "win-win" solution.
While strong leadership is an essential element of a strong Head Start program, there are numerous instances where conflict management techniques can be used to prevent or resolve disagreements. Effective leaders often see conflict as a source of vitality — bringing diverse views to the table can lead to new and creative ways of approaching tasks and problem solving. Conflict presents opportunity for change and growth, and can thus be a positive and constructive experience.
Understanding the elements of conflict and developing skills to manage and resolve conflict effectively will help us all to weather these times of change, and the stress that change often brings.
Kathryn Fernandez is a 1999-2000 Head Start Fellow in the Head Start Bureau's Training and Technical Assistance Branch.
